Entry 07

I have to admit something. The Atman Journal is the right medium. It exists so that I can say anything that I feel like is confession. I made it for this purpose. It is just a matter of how to explain it. The meaning in these words is very subtle. Lately I’ve been discovering the actual meaning in words that move from gross to subtle. I mean that there is a difference in the quality of the message when words move from prose to poetic. But with practice, this style of writing is begging to prove very useful.

I have been deep in study lately.

There was a time not so long ago which had a lot of confusion. It was confusion because I was relying so much on information while missing that point that life needs to be put to the test. There were certain moments and certain people whose influence led me a to a right understanding. In those times I was reading a lot. I am reading a lot also now the action of studying comes from a different place than it did before. Somebody I know, he lives with his whole big personality of life. His life was very exuberant. It was only by watching him and listening to him speak that being mindful of life is being aware of life, but not living it in thoughts.

Life is right in front of our noses. It is the test of life. Beliefs about God, Religion, Tradition are all a matter of wonder, but this life in front of my nose is not a matter of wonder, it is a matter of fact!

I have been studying all the time. My interest in study is more pure than before because there’s nothing to exclude. It is all spiritual now. Even writing this now is better than anything coming out of the Bible. These words are coming from out of right now. They are alive. Every page is a wonder! Fiction and non-fiction are equally a wonderful! An article, a book, a wiki page, a blog, anything! – they are all equally spiritual as saying prayer, chanting god’s name. I listen to rap. It is enjoyable, and i’m living life like it is meant to be. Why? Because nobody is judging. Nobody is condemning.

Your God must be a boring man. Why would your God condemn sexuality? Why would he ask for penance? What did you do wrong? You want to dance all night like like a raving animal, then you should do it. And don’t do it halfway; if you are going to do it then do it with your entire being! Listen to the music you want. Your believing is in something anti nature if it says that you should not enjoy your senses. You should enjoy your senses, nobody is judging you!

I enjoy life. It offers all kinds of things and now I’ve like nature how it is right now. Something has gone away! I am not judging. At it is stopping to judge that stops fear from being there. I’m not afraid, now I’m just living. I don’t feel anybody anymore saying to me, “you should do this, do that, or at least do something”. I’m just trucking along for the ride, writing this book very spontaneously. This part is really cool! That’s how I define it – it’s cool. There’s nothing not cool about it.

Your God is not my God. I’ve written before about how subjective of a concept that God really is. My God is so subjective that it is equally appropriate to drop the word God all together. This is why I said before that I understand the atheist, I understand the theist. I have been both. If I say God, then it is the God of experience at is finest and at it’s worst, but it is not a God that I believe in. Beliefs are cheap. Experience is so fine in comparison. That is where the God is. And in the experience, there is not any judgement. This world is yours.

So many things are preventing people to know life. There a conspiracy against humanity and I’m not buying in. There are people who are trying to convince me with their cheap beliefs and morals. This is not a matter about right or wrong. There is a monster in modern civilization and it steals people minds, but it won’t steal mine. There is a value in standing by that principle, you keep your vision clear! – nobody will steal your mind! It is not a matter of stigma good or bad. I am saying that anything which takes your independence is not righteous, and you should not give yourself up to beliefs. If you insist on God, than look where his godliness is in your experience of life. Every experience is life has some kind of value. It made an impact, so it has value. But you “believe” in something. What value did it have? Enjoying the closeness of another persons body adds value and richness. Using the herb, which is a gift from our Mother, adds more richness and value than a belief. Beliefs are cheap!

Tomorrow might be something different, but this is it now.


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